dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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