that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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