I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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