had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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