I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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