between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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