the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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