The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize