The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
PANTIES FOUND
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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