i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize