don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize