I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize