So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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