Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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