so that wasnt chicken after all
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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