Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Duck Duck Cougar?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize