i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize