I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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