In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
babies were throwing up all over the place
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize