Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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