"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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