Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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