One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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