he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize