is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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