Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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