Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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