Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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