I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fuck appropriateness.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize