i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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