i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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