you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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