we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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