Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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