My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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