wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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