And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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