please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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