Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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