Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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