I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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