Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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