I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize