He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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