Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize