Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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