my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize