May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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