she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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