he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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